Broken Trust, Broken Silence: A Call to Confront Abuse in the Church

Introduction: The Day Everything Changed

There are days that change the trajectory of a life. For years, I believed in the promise and mission of the Southern Baptist Convention. I poured myself out in ministry, trusting the church as a place of refuge, truth, and hope, a body committed to the teachings of Jesus and the protection of its most vulnerable. I genuinely believed our churches were sanctuaries where the hurting found healing and the weak found defenders. Yes, there was a stain from mishandling in the past, but I truly believed we had moved past that and should not be judged by those bad actors that exist in every sphere of society.

However, some wounds are so deep that they force a complete reassessment of what we thought we knew about faith, leadership, and the church itself. I never imagined that my family would be thrust into such a moment of reckoning. Yet here I am, compelled to write not simply out of grief, but out of a conviction that silence in the face of evil is itself complicity. The credibility and witness of the church depend on its willingness to confront the darkness within its own walls.

This is not only my story, but to be honest, a window into the deeper failures of the Southern Baptist Convention and the broader evangelical world. The problem extends far beyond any single congregation. It exposes a culture that too often chooses self-protection over truth, where Institutional reputation is prioritized over the safety of children and the vulnerable. I write for my daughter, my children, my family, and every survivor whose voice has been ignored or suppressed. The witness of the church hangs in the balance, and the time for silence has long passed.

My Story: What Happened to My Family

The Abuse

I am a church planter, approved through the North American Mission Board’s Assessment process. I came to a church that was dead, had not seen growth spiritually or numerically in quite some time, and had a tarnished reputation in the community due to the sexual abuse and grooming of underage girls by a previous pastor. I believed them when they said they did not know or they would have done something different, unfortunately, as you will read, this was nothing more than a lie. Yet, as anyone who has church planted or replanted knows, I poured everything I had into the ministry, just as my family did. It was essentially a second home.

Then came the day that my daughter, who is three years old, came into our room, and my wife said, ‘Go ahead and share with Daddy what you just told me.’ With tears in her eyes, she shared that she never wanted to return to church. This was not like my daughter, in fact, even at three years old, whenever we traveled or were sick, she was the first one up, asking when we were leaving for church. I asked why, without any real response other than I do not want to go back to church. Later that night, with her sitting on my lap and us reading the Bible, I ended it by asking what I could pray specifically for her. Her response, “Daddy, can you please pray we never have to go to church again?” Again, I asked why? The response was that the Children’s Church leader had been mean to her.

Because of the history of this church specifically, and based on my many years of ministry experience, I had moved cameras that were already installed in the church and added the SD card required so that they would record. Every person who works with kids is Ministry Safe trained and certified, so the idea that they do not know what is right and wrong is removed from the equation. Upon my daughter sharing this information, we pulled the tape, and what we found was astonishing. There was clear grooming behavior, things that my wife and I thought were weird, but could not put our finger on until we saw the full picture through the footage. There was verbal, emotional, and spiritual abuse of my children. Worst, though, there was sexual abuse of my child.

On camera, she advised my daughter that if she wanted a donut, she would need to take off her clothes… To this, my daughter pushed back, she also asked why her sister was left in only a diaper (which, in addition, she gave my 11-month-old a hard-coated chocolate donut and left her unattended to eat it), and the response was the same reason you will be. She took off the overshirt she was wearing and shared that she had a tank top on. She then reiterated that she must take her clothes off. My 7-year-old son responded with “you better not take that off,” to which he was corrected and removed from the room. This separating the kids to gain compliance was a common tactic, as was using either me spanking them or Jesus being mad at them. At this, my daughter proceeded to take off all her clothes, resulting in this leader saying Well, you can pull back up your pants… but keeping her shirtless. Worst of all, her husband, who was an Elder, backed what she was demanding. Let me be abundantly clear that this violates the training received and the procedures in place at the church. My wife ultimately enters the room, later to be told a story that my daughter chose to do this on her own. For clarification, this individual knows my daughter has sensory issues, and we work very hard on breaking the habit of her trying to take off any layers of clothes in public. My wife returned the shirt and spoke to my daughter about not taking off her clothes at church.

Upon reviewing this, I had a sacred responsibility. I also had a legal responsibility as a mandated reporter. I reached out to the Illinois Baptist State Association, DCFS, and the local sheriff’s office. I turned over the tape to detectives and DCFS investigators, and I took the weekend off so that I would not make contact with the individuals, as advised by those investigating that I should not have any contact until they had a chance to review and question them. In addition, I requested the Association's assistance in navigating the next steps and followed the guidance provided to the best of my ability.

Why share this? It is not to sensationalize, but because bearing witness is a sacred responsibility. My daughter, only three years old, was abused by individuals connected to the church that I served, that I replanted, and that I poured my heart and soul into. As both a parent and a pastor, I was utterly shattered by the betrayal of trust, and if I am honest, angered by their actions. I recognized my closeness and the necessity of asking for help as I walked the thin line between father, husband, and pastor.

Yet this is not where it ends, the confidence I placed in the church as a safe place for my family was destroyed in the most devastating way possible. When your child is harmed by those who claim to represent Christ, it shakes not only your confidence in the church, but also your understanding of how faith is meant to function in the real world. The trauma rippled through our family, shaking the foundations of both our personal and spiritual lives, yet the meeting that would occur with the church on Wednesday, August 6, 2025, would be nearly as painful as the abuse itself.

The Church’s Response

What followed the abuse, as I said, was nearly as painful as the abuse itself. Trusting that the church would respond with urgency, transparency, and compassion, I brought my concerns forward by calling a special meeting. I reached out to a local pastor, a fellow NAMB church planter, believing that even through my own pain, he would have the best interests of the church and my family at heart. I was wrong. I started the meeting by delivering a 10-minute sermon on the justice of God, sharing our responsibility as believers to hold one another accountable when wrong is done, and then handed over the meeting to another Pastor in an effort to remain ethical in all that I do.

I expected an acknowledgement that sexual abuse has no place within the life of the church, a suspension of leadership and membership until the investigation is completed, and ultimately a commitment to preventing such tragedies in the future. Yet, this is not what occurred.

Instead, I was met with hesitation, avoidance, silence, and ultimately vilification. Although I had planned to stay for 30-60 days to oversee the transition process, their silence and inaction left me with no choice but to resign immediately, something I have never done in my entire life. I asked for a severance package of one year's base pay, 50,000 dollars. This was approved at the meeting, and in return, my wife and I agreed to sign an affidavit form and bring it to the bank to be notarized, stating that we would not hold them legally responsible or sue the church as an organization. To be clear we had no intention to get lawyers involved, nor did we have any intention of suing the church, we wanted to step aside and have the time necessary to heal and figure out what God had next for my family and I.

The pastor that I brought in, who had already expressed a desire to merge not for the people but the assets the church has, ultimately attacked me when he thought there was no way for me to find out. He brought in a lawyer who was a friend, and when asked why and how long the severance check would take, could not give any concrete action. Which at that point, I shared I would probably need to regain council to ensure my and my family protection and best interest being served. The people turned nasty and spewed all types of evil and wicked things, questioning my integrity, morals, and ethics. The state convention instructed me to remain silent, to trust them, while also refraining from assisting, stepping in, or providing any tangible support to my family and me. Yes, a $1,000 check was offered if needed; however, that is less than one week's pay for my family and me. After the pastor declined to serve on the accounts as a manager, for which he had been voted, the severance check was put on hold with a big question mark. I asked the state what they could do, and their response was that we could help work on it, but we would have to renegotiate the severance package. What ultimately became clear was their priority: self-preservation above all else.

Institutional Self-Preservation

Throughout this ordeal, I remained committed to the health and mission of the church. I brought in significant funds to support ministry efforts and paid for essential resources out of my own pocket. I worked tirelessly to replant and rebuild, hoping that the church would prioritize repentance, restoration, and the protection of the innocent, even in times of crisis. As each day passed, it became increasingly clear that the church’s primary concern was not for my family, my daughter, or the truth, but rather for its own financial and institutional self-preservation.

Even at a State level, leadership focused on containing the fallout, minimizing exposure, and preserving the institution at all costs. The Assistant Executive Director offered little more than procedural deflections and empty assurances. According to the other pastor, another leader was very much against me, and the Association as a whole did not have my back at all. The pattern was unmistakable: institutions protect themselves first, often at the expense of the vulnerable. This institutional self-preservation came at the price of justice and healing; it came at the expense of my family being able to heal well without worrying about jumping right into another pastorate; it came at the expense of the victims!

The Impact on My Family and Faith

The cost to my family is immeasurable and ongoing. My three-year-old daughter now believes that Jesus is mean, a conclusion she reached not through theology but through the cruelty and hypocrisy of those who claimed to represent Him. My heart breaks for her and for every child who learns to associate faith with pain, silence, and betrayal. My son also suffered deeply, losing trust in adults, the church, and becoming overly protective and hyper vigilant…. especially when it comes to his little sisters.

As a pastor, I have always taught that faith is not a shield from suffering. Yet, I never imagined that the suffering would come from inside the church itself… at least not to this level. I have always believed that the gospel is strong enough to withstand any question, any challenge, any darkness. Now I understand that the greatest threat to the church is not from outside forces, but from within; the willingness to sacrifice truth for comfort, the impulse to hide rather than heal, and the refusal to confront sin when it wears a familiar face can easily be the very thing that destroys the Church. Many question why progressivism, deconstructionism, and atheism/humanism are on the rise…. can I tell you? It is because of situations like this!

The Systemic Problem: The Southern Baptist Convention and the Culture of Silence

The tragic experience my family is enduring is, unfortunately, not an isolated incident. Across the Southern Baptist Convention, there has been a disturbing pattern of abuse allegations mishandled, victims silenced, and institutions prioritizing their public image over the protection of the vulnerable. This pattern has been exposed repeatedly in recent years through investigative reports and survivor testimonies. The SBC’s own history reveals a troubling reluctance to confront abuse transparently and an institutional culture that often shields offenders rather than victims.

High-profile cases have demonstrated how churches and associations within the SBC have failed to act decisively or openly in response to credible allegations. These failures are compounded by policies that grant local churches autonomy but lack sufficient accountability mechanisms at the Conventional level. This structure creates gaps where abuse can be hidden, and perpetrators can move from one church to another without adequate reporting or intervention. The consequence is a system where survivors are too often left isolated, doubted, or dismissed, while offenders remain unpunished and free to continue harming others.

The culture of silence is intensified by fear: fear of scandal, fear of financial loss, and fear of damaging reputations. Leaders who speak out risk marginalization, and congregations may be reluctant to confront painful truths, fearing that the church’s reputation will suffer. This environment fosters complicity and enables continued abuse. The Southern Baptist Convention, once a beacon of evangelical faith, now grapples with a crisis of credibility and trust that affects all believers and observers.

The cost of this systemic failure cannot be overstated. Survivors suffer lifelong trauma and spiritual wounds. Families

are torn apart by grief and betrayal. And the church’s witness to the world is deeply damaged when its actions contradict the gospel’s call to justice and care for the oppressed. Moreover, the spiritual damage extends beyond individuals to the collective faith of communities. Many, especially children and young people, leave the church altogether, disillusioned by what they perceive as hypocrisy and neglect.

Addressing this crisis demands more than statements of concern or superficial reforms. It requires a fundamental cultural shift within the SBC and evangelicalism as a whole. Transparency must replace secrecy. Accountability must replace protectionism. The voices of survivors must be heard and honored rather than silenced. The church must demonstrate, through concrete action, that the safety and dignity of the vulnerable are non-negotiable.

The SBC’s ongoing reckoning with abuse is a painful but necessary step toward restoration. It must be accompanied by genuine and public repentance, policy changes that enforce accountability, and a renewed commitment to biblical justice. Without these measures, the church risks further damage to its mission and the loss of countless souls who seek refuge and truth in Christ. The future of the church depends on its willingness to confront these failures honestly and to act decisively.

Biblical and Theological Reflection

The Bible is unequivocal in its demand that God’s people protect the vulnerable and confront evil wherever it is found. From the earliest pages of Scripture, God’s heart is revealed as one deeply concerned with justice for the oppressed and care for the weak. The prophet Isaiah commands, “Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oprresion; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow’s cause” (Is. 1:17, ESV, 2001). These words are not mere suggestions; they are divine imperatives that call the church to active engagement in defending those who cannot defend themselves.

Jesus Himself displayed an unwavering commitment to protecting children and the helpless. He warned sternly, “Whoever causes on of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea” (Matt. 18:6, ESV, 2001). This warning underscores the severity with which God views harm done to the innocent, especially when such harm comes from within the community of faith. The church’s failure to act decisively in cases of abuse is not only a pastoral failure but a theological betrayal of Christ’s command.

The Apostle Paul exhorts believers to reject participation in evil and to expose darkness. To the church in Ephesus, he writes, “Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them” (Eph. 5:11, ESV, 2001). Covering up abuse, silencing survivors, or enabling offenders is a form of complicity that contradicts the holiness to which the church is called. True repentance demands transparency and accountability, as God’s justice is both holy and unwavering.

Even in the Old Testament, we see repeatedly that God’s justice includes holding leaders accountable for their actions. Ezekiel proclaims, “Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel; prophesy and say to them, even to the shepherds, Thus says the Lord God: Ah, shepherds of Israel who have been feeding yourselves! Should not shepherds feed the sheep?” (Ez. 34:2-3, ESV, 2001). Leaders who exploit or neglect their responsibility to protect their flock incur God’s judgment. The church must remember that spiritual leadership carries the weight of divine accountability, especially when it comes to the care and protection of children and the vulnerable.

Justice in the biblical sense is inseparable from mercy and grace. Micah declares, “He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” (Mic. 6:6, ESV, 2001). The pursuit of justice is not cold legalism; it is not about violence; it is an expression of God’s loving character. When the church fails to walk humbly and to act justly, it departs from the heart of God’s kingdom.

Ultimately, the promise of restoration and healing remains at the heart of the gospel. God invites the broken and wounded into His care, offering hope and renewal. The church must embody this promise by creating environments where survivors are supported, offenders are held accountable, and truth is spoken boldly. This is not optional for the people of God; it is the very essence of faithful discipleship!

A Call To Repentance and Reform

The church must begin with sincere, public, and transformative repentance. Repentance is not simply an expression of regret or a carefully worded apology. It requires a decisive turning away from past failures and a commitment to new practices that honor God’s call to justice and mercy. Without true repentance, the church cannot begin to heal the wounds inflicted on survivors or restore its credibility before the world.

Reform must include clear, enforceable policies that prioritize the safety of children and vulnerable individuals. Churches should have transparent procedures for reporting abuse that involve qualified, independent authorities, rather than relying solely on internal investigations. This separation is vital to prevent conflicts of interest and to ensure that allegations are handled with the seriousness they deserve. Training leaders and congregants to recognize signs of abuse and to respond appropriately is equally important in creating safe environments.

Accountability must be enforced at all levels of church leadership. Those who enable, conceal, or minimize abuse must face consequences consistent with biblical discipline and legal requirements. The culture of prioritizing reputations over the truth must be replaced by one that values honesty and justice above all else. The Southern Baptist Convention and local churches alike must commit to oversight structures that prevent abusers from moving undetected between congregations.

The church must also embrace survivors with compassion, believing their stories and supporting their journeys toward healing and recovery. This includes providing pastoral care, counseling resources, and community support that acknowledges the profound trauma abuse causes. Survivors should never feel isolated or silenced within the body of Christ. Instead, the church must become a place of refuge where brokenness is met with grace and restoration.

Finally, the church’s witness depends on its willingness to live out the gospel authentically. Protecting the vulnerable and confronting sin within the community are not optional tasks but essential expressions of faithfulness to Christ. The future of the church depends on whether it can reject a culture of silence and embrace a future marked by transparency, justice, and love. Only then can the church begin to regain the trust it has lost and fulfill its mission as the light of the world.

Conclusion: Refusing Silence, Choosing Light

The broken trust that so many have experienced within the church demands more than quiet sorrow or private grief. It calls for a collective awakening —a refusal to remain silent in the face of injustice and a commitment to speak the truth boldly and courageously. Silence only serves to protect the perpetrators and deepen the wounds of survivors. Choosing to confront these painful realities is the first step toward healing and restoration for individuals, families, and the Church as a whole.

The Church must remember that its foundation is not in human institutions, but in Jesus Christ, who calls HIs followers to live by justice, mercy, and humility. When the church fails to embody these values, it betrays the very gospel it proclaims. Yet the hope of redemption remains… rooted in the power of God to bring light into darkness and life out of death. This hope compels the Church to act with urgency and faithfulness… not silence and inaction!

As believers, we are called to be agents of change; advocates for the vulnerable and witnesses to the truth. This means holding leaders accountable, supporting survivors, and fostering communities where transparency and care are paramount. It requires courage to disrupt comfortable patterns and confront uncomfortable truths. The cost of inaction is far too great!

In choosing to break the silence, we align ourselves with God’s justice and love. We honor the suffering of those who have been hurt and affirm the dignity of every child and individual made in God’s image. This is the path forward for the church —a path marked by repentance, reform, and a relentless commitment to the gospel’s call. Only by walking this path can the church reclaim its witness and fulfill its mission in the world.

Editor’s Update:

As of August 13, 2025, the church and I have reconciled following the intent of Scripture. As such, I am pleased to report that those individuals have no ministry leadership position at the church, will not hold ministry leadership at the church, and the church has agreed that proper action was taken in reporting the abusive actions of that leader. Although I will not post the name and location of the church in this or future communication moving forward, I also want to ensure that the record is set straight and the truth is shared that the church has now taken seriously the allegations and taken proper steps to ensure this will not occur in the future.